So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
