4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
