Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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