so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
