an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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