im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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