Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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