The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
