guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
we're so committed to being not committed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
