Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
