singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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