She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
