there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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