i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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