i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
