he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
