1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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