they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
