did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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