you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
