I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
