If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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