I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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