Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
