I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
