do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
