Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
