We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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