you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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