I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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