Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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