i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you traded sex for a burrito?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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