she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
