Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
