Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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