Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
