pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
