she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
