my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
