Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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