Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize