I'm jealous of your bromance
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
