So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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