the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
