I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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