Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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