he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
