the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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