I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Oops wrong number
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
