Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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