Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
