So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
