Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
