Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize