Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
