I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ugly people sure do ruin things
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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