This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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