Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
