Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
