Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
