that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
