Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
