I think i peed on brittanys purse
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
