Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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