Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
