I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
