I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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