he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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