That's intense
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
