I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
