would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
