that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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